I’ve dealt with insomnia for as long as I can remember. It comes in cycles and I have to say I’m actually used to it. I usually don’t get more than 3 hours of sleep a night when a cycle of insomnia hits. I lay down for the recommended 8 hours but for the 5 that I’m not asleep, my thoughts are racing in anticipation of the day’s events. I’d also rather sleep during the day than the night. Something about sleeping at night doesn’t feel right to me and I’ve never known why.
The only time insomnia is a problem is when I don’t have any “day’s events” to anticipate. So recently, having not steadily worked in a few weeks, I’ve been AWAKE. I’ve not slept for more than 30 minutes at a time since Friday, December 14th. I lay down, read two sentences from a book, cry, get up, eat, write, cry some more, listen to sounds of nature outside my window, stare at the wall, fall asleep for approximately 4 minutes, cry again, eat again then lay in bed like a mummy until sunrise when my child promptly requests breakfast.
I know that it will be over soon and manageable when I’m working again or have some other activity awaiting me so I don’t want to bother my doctor. I’ve never taken anything for insomnia before and I don’t want to start now. I don’t particularly fancy medications but I understand they’re sometimes necessary. I’m also prideful in this regard. I think most things can be accomplished by being strong-willed, although I’ve not been able to prove this yet.
It’ll be another two weeks before I return to work and I’m not sure if I can last that long without some sort of slightly psychotic episode. I shall now make a list of house chores I need to complete but that list won’t be long because I don’t move around enough to create any new work to be done, tragic, yes? I’d mentioned that I’m an exceptional bibliophile so you’d think that I would be reading in my sleepless state but sadly, no. I don’t seem to have focus or energy to sit up and read. Its like my body sleeps but my mind doesn’t. This is parlous torture, dramatically put. I’m sure I’ll spend a good portion of the day researching melatonin, valerian root and other sleep aids. I’d prefer something natural.
Do you suffer from chronic insomnia? Has anything helped you?